Normally I have majority of my gifts purchased by August, the tree up and trimmed the Sunday after Halloween and carol’s playing in my car after the Santa Claus parade. I freaking LOVE Christmas! I’m also a little Martha Stewart about my decorating to the point that my wrapping paper matches my tree.
This year has been a little different. I’m just not feeling the “Christmas spirit” and life just has not been cooperating! I have no gifts purchased, I just put my tree up yesterday and I haven’t even begun to plan when I can make my Christmas cupcakes! I have no desire to brave the malls or even shop online. I’m not looking forward to this Christmas as I have in the past and I need to figure out why and fix this!
I decided a couple of years ago that I am going to have Christmas dinner with my parents every year, even though I’m married and my husband’s family lives in the same town. It may sound selfish, but I tried the alternating years thing and it just didn’t work, and if I am honest – Christmas doesn’t FEEL like Christmas without my Mom’s turkey, my Dad’s “spin” on grace and my Godfather’s breakfast, and the time I have left with them is too precious to me.
My parents are by no means old – in fact they are pretty young, but they have been ill and I was forced to face their mortality at a fairly young age which was both a blessing and completely terrifying. I was 24 when my Mom had 3 minor strokes and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Lupus. My father, who is my hero, has had ailments of his own over the years as well. It forced me to create an adult relationship with them sooner than most children do, and I really enjoy spending time with them.
On the other side is my husband. I have spent the last 17 Christmas Days including dinner with him and he makes Christmas for me as well. He knows how much I love Christmas and even proposed to me on Christmas day because of it. This year I won’t have him at the table with me, and though it was my idea for him to go be with his family for Christmas, I think that is part of the reason that I am just not “feeling it” this year. I’m just going through the motions.
I’m hoping this blah passes and I can get the joy back, but at this point I am just faking it ‘til I make it. Maybe baking some cupcakes will kick start my Christmas cheer? If not, there is always spiked egg nog!